I struggle to write this blog because I don't want to attack anyone or call anyone out. I only want to speak about my internal confliction. I've struggled with the idea of Christianity in the United States. There are so many dynamics, denominations and dialects within. Which of these got it right? Which of these are way off base? Which of these have ulterior motives? Which are cults? Which are pyramid schemes?
When I was a child I knew two things for sure. I knew God loves me and Jesus died for me. This was all I needed to know. I didn't care about who my pastor associated himself with. I didn't care what my fellow church members were doing behind closed doors. I only focused on what was true and what was relevant to me.
Christ spoke a lot of the innocence of children. He also spoke about their wisdom. The simple mind of a child is not clouded by corruption, doubt, temptation, selfish ambition or greed. I remember my childhood thoughts; how easy it was to believe.
I thought our faith was supposed to mature as we age and grow. Now I feel like I doubt more and more everyday. I don't doubt the truth. I just doubt the fine print. Do I really need to follow all the rules? With a specific translation of the Bible I can interpret a verse differently to make it fit my wants a little better. I'm choosing to over look the Greek and Hebrew meanings and only look at the English because I like what it means more. There are a million ways to twist the Word of God into whatever we want it to say.
Why is it so easy to forget the truth? God loves me and Jesus died for me. Now that I'm "more intelligent" I have the power to manipulate and challenge what I've always known. Is that really a good thing? It really only puts a wall up. It gives me an excuse to do what I know is wrong.
This is my frustration with American Christianity. We're just so darn "smart" aren't we? We're encouraged to expand and open our minds to all possibilities. That's really great for a lot of aspects of our lives, but faith? Why would we openly doubt the things we know to be true? God loves me and Jesus died for me.
My favorite verse is Romans 13:10. It simplifies life. It says, "Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." It's our escape. We don't have to fiddle with the small "what ifs." I don't have to debate with the Catholics or the Lutherans about our slightly different biblical interpretation. I know two things to be true. They know two things to be true.
What we believed as children is the truth. We knew right and wrong. We didn't question it. We didn't make up excuses because we were tempted. When children do wrong, they know it. They also know they deserve punishment. We don't do that though. When we do wrong we act like it's someone else's fault, and we don't deserve the blame. Children have more backbone than us.
We are sinful. We don't deserve anything. If we want something we have to work for it in faith and be graciously blessed by God. Our own actions are not enough and never will be. If we do wrong it's our own fault. We deserve punishment. Man up and take it. Then move on and never do it again. These are simple things we believed as children. They're still true. We're just too smart to admit it.
Ok, confession time. At this point in my blog, I went into how American pastors are terrible in a few specific ways. I discussed my doubt and paranoia with American churches, and their overall motives in more detail. Then God said, "Hey, you're a hypocrite. Read what you just wrote. You only need to know two things." So I deleted it, because it really doesn't matter what some pastors are doing. It doesn't matter who's associated. It doesn't matter what my fellow believers are listening to or doing behind closed doors or out in the open. I don't need to call attention to those things. Who cares? I know two things to be true.
I've been struggling for years over this issue. God just resolved it as I wrote this blog. I know two things to be true. I'm tempted to go through and rewrite the beginning when I was conflicted and angry, but it might be good to leave it so you can see God's process too.
I think I just got a new life motto: Who cares? I know two things to be true.
God is pretty cool. What up. Copy right Jesus Christ on that one.
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